Even before the Republican Party saved the nation from the surrender, the planned capitulation to terrorists by the Democrats was complicated by an inability to locate parties to whom they could turn over the keys to the White House and other national treasures. Attempts to contact Osama bin Laden proved fruitless, and individual terrorist cells throughout the U.S., the Middle East, Europe, and elsewhere all refused to accept the U.S. surrender because a) such a surrender would have put them out of business, and b) the terrorists felt overawed by the prospect of taking on such a big responsibility. Before being offered stewardship of the United States of America, most of them had never managed much more than small fundraisers among sympathetic oil sheiks, many of whom were relatives.

Setting a location for the surrender ceremonies also proved to be an obstacle. Tradition held that such a surrender should take place on a big naval vessel, and tradition further dictated that the vessel in question should belong to the victor, as was the case when Japan surrendered to the U.S. aboard the U.S.S. Missouri. But the victorious terrorists had no naval vessel big enough to accommodate the large contingent of dignitaries who were expected to take part in the ceremony. A terrorist proposal that would have allowed the U.S. to surrender to them aboard a flotilla of small vessels failed to come to fruition when the terrorists fell into dispute among themselves over which boat and which terrorist cell would play host to the highest ranking U.S. officials. The terrorists also refused the loan of a big American naval vessel as a matter of pride, and a whole new round of hostilities between the U.S. and the terrorists nearly erupted over that issue alone.

And, when the terrorists learned of the size of the U.S. debt, they were further daunted at the prospect of accepting an American surrender. Al Qaeda, for instance, turned down the terms of surrender on the grounds that they had no way of paying off U.S. debt and did not wish to have the Chinese breathing down their necks trying to collect that money. Other terrorists groups, including homegrown white supremacy outfits in places like Idaho, refused to accept a Democratic Party turnover of power, fearing that they were unequal to the task of making even interest-only monthly payments on the national debt.

Still other splinter groups of terrorists backed away from accepting a U.S. surrender because they doubted their ability to impose Sha'ria law on American women. Sha'ria law, for example, equates one man as the equal to two women, an idea popular with some Americans, but resisted by many others, including a large percentage of women.

Considering all of these difficulties, an American surrender to terrorists probably would never have come to pass even under cowardly Democratic Party leadership. Fortunately, however, with the election of John McCain and the prospect of more years of Republican rule, the nation was spared the spectacle of watching surrender-starved Democrats trying to pull it off.